How I’m using smack talk with my girlfriend to help get my bubble butt back. / by Ben Weston

I want my bubble butt back.

After a year of squishing it flat by sitting down and staring at a glowing screen for hours on end, I’m ready to get my half-Asian badonka-donk back.

Knowing that I might get intimidated by the task of going from Chinese pancake to bootylicious bao buns, I wanted to eliminate will-power from the equation so I proposed to Alyssa a 1-month challenge:

Whoever can do the most kettlebell swings in 30 days gets treated to dinner and, more importantly, bragging rights. Also, if she wins, she gets to require me to wear these absurd mesh undies that we were both forced to wear during a massage in Thailand.

No, I am not going to show you what they look like but trust me when I say that they do NOT fit me.

So where are we at now?

She’s fuckin woopin my ass. And with a kettlebell only 5 lbs lighter than mine no less. 

 

Alyssa - 1,500

Ben - 700

She’s routinely been hitting 150 to 200 swings a day. And the kicker? She’s not feeling a damn thing. No soreness. I think she’s actually getting bored.

I maxed at 180 swings one day and the following day I felt like someone went berserker mode on my hamstrings and ass with a mallet. 

Why am I sharing this? I committed to sharing with you guys my progress, good and bad. This is both. 

Good = I don't have to think about working out because just the thought of wearing the nut-crushing mesh undies is enough to get 50 swings out of me.

Bad = My girlfriend is pwning me =)

For those of you that also said that you’re working on getting back into your body, I want to challenge you to find a way to make your practice as easy and fun as possible.

And if you need help coming up with creative ideas to keep you accountable and on your toes, just hit me up. I got you ;)

Sample smack talk

Ben: (after asked when we'll be starting the challenge) Let's start today!  But if you need a bit of a head start, don't hesitate to ask...

Alyssa: Oh, baby.  I know you're in denial about those 150 swings I did on my first day, but it's OK.  We'll get you past the bunny slope of swings in no time. . . . I'll create the Google doc later this afternoon!

Ben: Just did 25 swings, FYI.  Make sure to log that as the first entry in the Google doc.  Thanks, sweetie.  You're the best.

Alyssa: Log your own swings, bitch!  The only reason I'm creating the Google doc is so I can get the first bit of smack talk on there! . . . Have a great day, love.  Don't cry too much when I beat you on our first day.

God, I love her.