Are We On A Date? (Pt 2) / by Ben Weston

A week ago I posted about how I navigated an ambiguous date/business meeting.

After sharing the story with the lovely woman from the evening, I thought she would say that she had the same memory of that night.

Haha - nope.

I asked if she would mind sharing her side of the story because I was surprisingly wrong about how I thought the evening went.

She agreed.


“Which top says I’m serious about business but, just in case, I came to slay?”

I told him I had to take care of some last minute work, but I was just too deep in rummaging through my closet to get out in time.

Don’t get me wrong. I had zero plans to make any moves during this meeting. I was there to develop some work I felt we’d collaborate well on. Of course, it didn’t bother me that he was easy on the eyes.

But you can imagine my surprise when he alluded to a conversation about prostate play within the first ten minutes of our meeting. After which, I quickly wrote him off as another stereotypical sex-driven NYC dude taking a "business meeting.”

For the future, gentlemen, this isn’t the most tactful opener for solo business meetings with women; especially outside of sex toy start-ups.

Maybe that was the first clue that this meeting didn’t exactly fall under a concrete business or date category. We’d met a month prior at my first Zouk event, shared a few indulgent dances and a conversation in which it seemed our philosophies aligned both on and off the dance floor and I was curious for more.

Taking a sip of my drink, I checked in with my own bias and recognized he might be nervous. I did come to slay after all. So I tried to play off the discomfort his story stirred in me with a sarcastic joke.

The conversation flowed. Deep and fun as hell. I was feelin' it.

Some time into our ambiguous dance, he tells me he’s attracted to me.

We must’ve been at about the three-hour mark. You know, the one where guys go into fight or flight mode about making moves?

And I’d just had one shit dating experience too many and terrified of another. I wanted to experience something as innocent as a kiss on my terms, comfortably, without pressure.

But panic ensued as I saw him staring like I was ice cream on a summer day. 
“Act now or he’ll devour you!” My brain screamed.

So I told him I appreciated his candor, and felt the same way, but wasn’t ready and needed the space to choose if and when.

What’s this?

He’s not asking for the check and leaving? He *appreciated* my honesty and took it in stride?

I was heard.

The only thing sexier was the kiss I asked for a few hours later.


Here are my takeaways:

1. This stuff is messy.

Fellas, we’re gonna mess up -- that’s ok. Do your best.

2. Don’t talk about that one time you were with a bro at lunch, eating grilled chicken and sweet potatoes, and you talked about prostate play.

Well, at least not within the first 10 minutes of a date/business meeting.